Saturday, May 29, 2010

Update!

Six months later, since running (I mean stepping) out of Germany, I can look back and cry (I mean reminisce) about my hard times in that shithole (I mean Germany). I can't believe it's been 6 months and we are now living in Vienna, Austria which seems like night and day from Germany. I can't tell you how traumatized I still am and I have tried to block out the experiences I've had and reading the old posts, just remind me of how bad it was. Sometimes I wonder, if I was too sensitive and took it too hard and why other expats, actually like that god-forsaken place?! Every time someone says, "Oh I want to live in Germany," I literally cringe. Other people that I meet that say they are from Germany, I start to feel the hairs on my back (I'm Asian, I have no hair there) feel like they're standing straight up and I have to wonder, HOW MUCH trauma did I go through there? Why was this such a life-changing experience? Other people go through much more difficult times in life, but why did I take it soooo hard?

Then I wonder about the basic necessities of life. Hmm let's discuss:

AIR- it was freaking freezing at all times, near frost bite in extremities, so f@(@!%in cold that you dream of heaters and sunshine.
WATER- no free water anywhere. Even at a restaurant while you are eating there you must pay for bottled water and it's more expensive than beer. Only hard water in your house, that means bad clothes washing, dry skin, coffee deposits, chapped lips, constipation, buying bottle water etc..
BATHROOMS- pay as you go bathrooms, even at a restaurant. I'm serious, pay your meal then pay to use the facilities
FOOD-only German crappy, unhealthy, greasy, no variety food everywhere. Get used to schnitzel, bretzel or beer and nothing else. No fresh seafood, no ingredients, no cravings that can be fulfilled, no international, ordering Korean food online from 6 hrs away, paying 10 times the price and having this food mailed to your house in a big box by DHL, seriously. And be prepared to get a muffin-top (if you don't know what that is, look it up)
CLOTHING-can't afford it, that's why we have to travel to America or any surrounding country to buy anything. Imagine paying 250 euros for a pair of boots, non-designer, I'm serious.
TECHNOLOGY-your internet (which is your lifeline to anything modern and society) will be down and they will charge you to call customer service (2 euros a minute, A MINUTE!!!) and they will not fix it or have someone speak english to help you. Let alone problems with your cel phone. 6 months later, we are still paying our German cel phone bill, don't ask.
SUN-lack of it, for 8 months, living in cloud of grey. Think about it, no stars, moon, sunsets or sun, think about it...depression is very common in Germany
WEATHER-snow, rain, cloudy, hail, below freezing temperature for months (more than half a year), extreme temperatures and everything that goes along with it-traffic, coats, kleenex, gloves, umbrellas, dry skin, chapped lips, constipation, snowing out, snow tires/summer tires, driving in a snow storm so that you can't see out the window..
ENTERTAINMENT-none, no English movie theaters, tv, radio, friends, sometimes no internet. Think about it
FAMILY-none
FRIENDS-none and hard to make any at all
TIME-everything closing at 5:30 mon-fri and closed on Sundays, you figure out how to shop in 4 markets, do all your errands, dry cleaning/alterations and some stores even close by noon on SAT!, think about how you get everything done (taking the tram, carrying heavy bags) in ONE SATURDAY!
TRANSPORTATION-as we all know, I was not able to drive after my license rights were taken away. Funny, I got my drivers license in one day in Austria..
Public transportation is always such a pleasant experience (stinky, dirty, fart-smelling trams)
CLOTHING-I don't think I wore my California shorts or flip flops once in Augsburg, Germany, I am not kidding. I did however, wear many coats, sweaters, fur, gloves, hats, scarves covering every inch of my body to keep warm from the freezing cold!
HOUSING-hmm well if you've read the blog, you will know about our super kind German neighbors and how friendly they are. How our heating bill is exhorbitant, how for 3 years I had to turn on the heater at my in-laws house and only one single day, the heater was off and we actually sat outside in the entire 3 years. THREE YEARS! No garbage disposals, 7 recycling bins, no 100 watt bulbs only flourescent energy saving bulbs, BYOC (bring your own closet, washer, no dryers, refrigerator, and sometimes the kitchen and the kitchen sink) the list goes on and on...
MOVING- I think we spent over 30k US DOLLARS in the last 2 years moving from US to Baden-Baden, Germany to Augsburg to Vienna.
TAXES-50% income, 20% VAT --you figure it out
CURRENCY- lose half of what you bring over
LANGUAGE-only German, all the time, everything online, menus, internet, instructions, ingredients, directions, metric system, celsius, asking for help, customer service, labels, ALL in German, NO ENGLISH anywhere at any time.
TRAVEL-I think we spent most of our paycheck on travel, to get the heck out of Germany, every weekend as much as we could. I think I spent thousands of dollars and a lot of sweat at the airport, lugging around huge, oversized luggage across the countries, filled to the rim with clothes, shoes, vanilla, sheets, cake pans, stationary, electronics and things we couldn't buy in Germany.

I think that about covers it, interesting and still so not funny yet. I am not over it, let's see in a few years, if I can laugh about it.

Vienna is a dream compared to Germany, people are open, international, not as prejudiced, there are international restaurants, we made great friends (with personalities), Korean restaurants, a few international markets, we even found a great Mexican restaurant. The weather is still cool but there are days with actual sunshine and blue skies (unbelievable). There are beautiful buildings, culture, places to see, do and something to do on a Sat night (english movie theaters, parties, clubs, museums, etc). Many speak English, and there are tons of tourists so plenty of Asians, Blacks, Jews, you know non-Aryan races that actually make you feel at home and not like a FOB foreigner.

I am so grateful for America, for being AMERICAN, for the country and all that it has to offer and after being all over the world and living in Europe, I can honestly say I LOVE LA!!!!
Los Angeles with it's weather, sun, beaches, nightlife, entertainment, convertibles, restaurants, and flaky people is the best city in the whole world!!!!! Cost of living, sun, surf sand, eating anything even at midnight, flying to Vegas, cruising in a convertible, Target, Ross and Marshalls and malls, it's LIKE TOTALLY AWESOME! Can't wait to move back there in a year and I vow to appreciate everything I took for granted there! You don't miss it, till it's gone. It helps you admire the blue blue sky and the beautiful, orange sunsets, or the warm, summer nights and the twinkling stars and the city lights, the blue (kinda brown) oceans, and even the traffic is not so bad anymore! (I would rather drive in my own car through 2 hrs of traffic then in a crowded tram with people who have bad B.O. or farting) Listening to my music, in a convertible, take a coast ride up to San Francisco, eat Dim Sum when I crave it without paying a fortune, buying as much as I want in a market or a store and not having to weigh it to see if I can carry the bag home, not paying 8 dollars a gallon for gas! and loving loving my hometown, Hollyweird or Hollywood with it's Reality Stars, Rodeo Drive, dress to impress, posers and all, I LOVE IT!
OOOXXX

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Adios Doucheland, Hello VIENNA!!


Nov 25, 2009
How almost appropriate so close to Thanksgiving Day in America, I can now say "PRAISE THE LORD I'M LEAVING GERMANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" After much desperation, I finally got a job in Vienna, AUSTRIA NOT GERMANY and will be leaving hopefully in a month!!! We will give our wonderful apartment realtors notice today, hopefully they will not tie us to the 3 mos notice on the contract if we can get someone sooner. Today is a countdown of only 1 more month to listen to the 5 hrs of awful piano playing upstairs. I have the stereo on full blast right now and in commemoration of the event, I have put up the bamboo fence again just to piss off the neighbors! HAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA!!!! We will go to Vienna this week and register for a Visa, and guess what I will get my FREE or near free, much-deserved drivers license in AUSTRIA NOT GERMANY soon after WHOOOOHOOOO after 6 months of that shit! SO it's been about a year we have been in Awful, Germany. I am soooo relieved and this huge burden feels lifted and I am excited to work or do ANYTHING to get the heck OUTTA here! No more Germs, except the few that we like like our friends. Even the few friends here are not so friendly it seems. The indian girl, the japanese guy and the Brussels girl have not wrote back, I wonder if these people are even flakier than the LA ones, haha. Doesn't matter, we never felt like we fit in here and the quality of people in this shithole says a lot. We will have a Thanksgiving Dinner with my husbands work collegues one last time and I am laughing cause it will be a MAJOR PAIN to get the pumpkin pie mix, cranberry sauce and stuffing but just one more time, I think Vienna being a major international city will be better to get stuff and YES they have a BIG Korean Market and I am already best friends with her! LOL
Well Blog, hopefully I will never have to set foot on the soils of Germany again except for driving through or something. Oh and once I get my AUSTRIAN license, I can actually drive in Germany!!!!! Well it's been quite HELL, I mean an adventure and I bid DOUCHELAND a BIGGGGG Adieu to you and you and you!!! Book to come...

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Tuesday November 17, 2009
HA! I try and try but there's always something to hate in Germany so quick notes. We had dinner at my husband's boss's place, he lives in the county of Friedberg. Now, THEY have even a crazier recycling program. Paper must be sorted by color, black and white and then yellow recycled paper is not allowed. Dishwashing liquid bottles must have the plastic tops removed and sorted into different bins, and milk containers have special bins, so people I AM NOT KIDDING, drive their trailers filled with trash in different bins and drive their cars with trailers to a recycling post where they get yelled at by German Nazis, I mean trash police and told where things go and into which bin they must be placed in and are yelled at if not done properly. He actually took his GERMAN mother with him one day, since this whole thing is a site to see and she actually said, "they are crazy!" coming from a German woman, I LOVE it, you see I am not the only one who thinks this is the MOST ludicrous waste of time and energy, and causes much more nonsense then they actually THINK of saving the FUCKING PLANET! Do you know, every different bin, I have to use a different plastic bag, I wonder how many plastic bottles it takes and energy to use the 6 bags I have to use, then drive to, then sort etc. you get the idea. FUCKING RETARDS! Oh, pardon my french, but seriously...He said they actually have nothing better to do then use this as a meeting place and shoot the shit, while they separate the shit so I guess they want to continue this nonsense as a way to socialize with each other. Nice. So they took votes and this Archaic process still exists.
Ok, so I can't wait for the day, I can stop dreaming of eating what I want, not keep gaining weight, since the only choices of food are cold, tasteless sandwiches, fried schnitzel, and the health-conscious wurst and bretzel etc at every train station, airport, city we go to. I can't wait for the day, I don't have to destroy my entire closet wardrobe from the amount of sweat, rain and dirt I accumulate in Germany. Every time I step outside I am layered in bundles of clothing, gloves, and umbrella and I sweat from walking, using public transport and carrying around everything! I can't wait for the day, I can drive again and use a car like civilized people and don't have to think about HOW much I can carry home with me, or how heavy that 10 lb bag of potatoes will be for the 5 blocks walking home, since they package EVERYTHING into more plastic bags and don't sell just one freaking potato! I can't wait for not having to use the public transport system, trains, trams, sbahns, ubahns and buses where they collect the derelicts of the world, where you look around and people look so freaking miserable where today I actually smelled poop on the tram, I checked under my shoe thinking maybe I stepped in shit, but no it was probably some poor soul who did not wipe their freaking ASS!! Oh and lets not forget the poor grandma who had a heavy walker and NO ONE I repeat NO ONE AGAIN, helped her so I rushed over to get it off the tram. GERMANY: WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE!?!?! I read about this, the younger generation have absolutely no respect for elders and really it is so obvious. I feel sorry for the old people, I really do, the fact they have to carry 10 lb bags of potatoes, use the bus and have no one help u. This sucks!
So, Frankfurt, 3 words, BIG<> we'll see how it goes, although it is an utter miracle I actually got an interview, considering they expect everyone in Germany and Austria to speak GERMAN! So, we will see but I really think I have tried everything to get out of here. I did have a breakdown last week. Something just triggered it and I started crying at the mall. The fact that EVERY SINGLE THING is SOOOO HARD here and so fucking miserable and that I WAS SO FUCKING MISERABLE here. I WILL NEVER GET USED TO it or the weather, or the lack of sun, or the rudeness, or the food, the lack of any variety, not being able to drive, cancelling the internet on my cel provider again!!! trying to get out of every single 2 year FUCKING CONTRACTS, paying for using the FUCKING restroom even in a restaurant I just paid a meal for, and then having to use ice cold water to wash my hands, no paper towels, asking EVERY SINGLE Person for a napkin, or an ice cube, or a FUCKING PLASTIC BAG without having to PAY FOR IT!>?!?! seriously, it is NOT a planet friendly, recycling conscious country, it is CHEAP, POOR, PAIN IN THE MAJOR ASS country that is POST WAR mentality, a setback in the 40's or 50's, that can't get anything straight, or having to go to ANY COMPANY< GOVT Institution, CUSTOMER SERVICE REP and getting the wrong info on EVERY SINGLE THING! Having to actually GO EVERYWHERE during your lunch break, look and pay for parking, going into Deutsche Bank after 3 more phone calls to them, and then being told you got the wrong info and have to do it again. Or trying to get a credit card, or getting ANY POSSIBLE THING Here is a freaking nightmare that takes months, get wrong info, have to actually DRIVE TO their office and then having to wait again, it really boggles my mind, HOW IN THE WORLD can this be one of the great and powerful nations in the world, when NOTHING gets done right.! REALLY!? They just accept it, sit and bear it and live with it, or even pay $2.50 Euros a minute to call customer service, :) and that is one of the things I can't stand about my Austrian husband, who is the nicest guy in the world, but will eat cold food, accept anything done wrong, drive to the bank for a question and smile like it's not a big deal, because farmers in Austria don't really fucking care. It is sooo amazingly backwards my stomach hurts! from the pain of insolence, ignorance and indigestion! He is great, but really I will never understand it.
Oh and let us not forget the months of bunny drops and constipation, the 2 1/2 months of the worst, cracked lips so red and swollen that I woke up at night and then getting an appt and being diagnosed with severe excema and that every single thing I bought and put on my lip did not heal it, till I was diagnosed and given a prescription for it, or the chapping of the inside of my palms and no amount of lotion would get better. The wonderful physical allergy I have to this place, the amount of weight from eating this truly tasteless, shit at their restaurants. Of still having to pay $4-10 for bottled water cause the cheap bastards won't give you a cup of water to drink. Or having to pay $10-15 DOLLARS for one english magazine or even more for books. That is 12x the price I pay for one magazine in the states, nice.
So, I saw a commercial that was for winning a green card to the US, I kid you not it said, land of the free, follow your dream and "YOU CAN DO IT" I thought it was so funny, and yet so true maybe it is like winning a contest or a lottery to get back there, I'm going to enter the contest tomorrow...

Monday, October 26, 2009

Monday Evening October 26, 2009
hahahhahaha let me continue a few hours later. So my husband comes home and we want to watch something on our Slingcatcher. I am a techie whore, I bought the coolest thing that allows me to watch my tv in America, it is my saving grace. Besides having internet, the tv is my closest friend, keeping me in touch with all things American, including reality tv :) So, I spent another 200 bucks buying this gadget and the 2 slinglinks. Ok so here is the problem, throughout the day the internet seems somewhat normal, AT NIGHT!?!? what happens to our high speed internet from T-mobile that we pay for??, it splits into whoever is using internet so more users, less speed, so our speed goes down to 69kbps instead of 1000 or just keeps freezing. In fact it freeeeezes all the time, my wifi, it freezes. Everything freezes and there is nothing you can do about it. We also wanted to see the only weekly english movie and guess what no one answers the phone there, AGAIN??!! so we decided again to just stay home, poor us. We can laugh or cry, its just how it is here.
What happens when nothing goes right, you have no expectations at all. Just happens and you live with it, begrudgingly but true.
Monday, October 26 2009
I thought I would try AGAIN to hold off on the negative comments and try to restrain myself from posting for awhile. I did have a very nice surprise bday in Austria which made it somewhat better. Well lets keep it brief, today I cleaned 4 filters, yes 44444444444 filters on the still broken washing machine and dryer by Siemens, which is supposed to the best (HA!) brand in Germany. Once again, no comment. In America, my beloved country I have a Maytag, and like the commercial says, I never see my Maytag repairman. There is 1, ONE filter to clean on the dryer and it has worked for over 15 years.PERIOD! Now this piece of crap in my GERMAN apartment, I have called the Siemens company, they came out cleaned a filter or two and then charged 132 Euros=$200USD . 5 months later, I am getting the same buzzing beeper, the one that DROVE ME UP THE FREAKING WALL remember? and an error message. I called Siemens around 4 times now and they insist that I clean the filter first and make sure "there is not a coin in the filter." Now, I don't know how big their coins are but r u kidding me/?!?! why would you make a product that allows a size of a COIN to fall through the filter? So there I was disassembling my floorboard, opening the machine, releasing the pump, unscrew the filter (which flooded the floor) ck for COINS and rinse it out and put it back in. I had to do this TWICE! then doing laundry today, my favorite chore esp with doing double the amount of loads cause the machines are the size of a bucket and they don't wash properly anyways. Another error message on my dryer buzzes, unbelievable, so I clean the air filter, the water filter and the bottom filter underneath my dryer. Now, thank GOD I had ordered the manuals in English months and months before because I have to disassemble all the parts of these high quality, German products. Now, I am much better at this tech stuff, home stuff than most girls, but THIS is still ridiculous. My husband doesn't even know where the filter would be, I will show him tonight. But that's always fun, calling German co's asking if they speak English, getting transferred taken a message or disconnected because the PHONE SYSTEM is like post war Germany and you still can get disconnnected or the other person can't hear you. YES YES YES it's not third world, it's POST WAR Germany like from the 1950's where the phone systems have problems, things are done in such a backwards way here, you can't get any variety, fresh spinach is unheard of and neither is fresh seafood, you have to get everything frozen. It's almost like East Germany, just slightly better. And btw, I met an Eastern German who happened to be my Siemens repair guy ;0 and he said he would much rather live in the old East German way, that there is too much to think about now, HAHHAHHAHAH! Socialism lives! and that it was much easier to have the govt do everything for you, he also said he has to work harder now and it's better the old way. He is very nice btw, but this made it so incredulous and that is the mentality of these people, so of course this backwards country will NEVER be as fine tuned as America. Take your social welfare, social health care and frozen spinach. I would rather have freedom, liberty, capitalism, variety, choice, independence and fresh seafood anyday!! PERIOD!

p.s. so let me just tell you the status of my wonderful cel phone service provider BASE, another fine German company with excellent customer service and great service period. So, I am still locked into an iron-clad 2 year contract, prison, jail, commitment whatever you call it. And after buying the NEWEST BEST MOST EXPENSIVE Blackberry phone from the US. I am stuck with a cel that still barely works. I had downloaded Apps, you know just like the Iphone, which I CANNOT GET because I live here, in freaking here, where an Iphone can cost you the price of a small car, and I can't start a new contract w AT&T cause I live freaking here, anyways.. So I think I had written that I signed up for the internet service w BASE and it never never never works properly, I can't even get Google maps to work on it. I have only been on my email a few times and most of the time I get network unavailable, network server down or some other error message. So, I went to my BASE store in Uggsberg, and he is Russian I think, barely speaks english but enough to understand and you would think this would be easy but it's NOT, NOTHING IS EASY IN GERMANY, NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING! NOTHING WILL WORK PROPERLY< NOTHING WILL BE EASY TO CALL OR COMPLAIN OR TO GET IT FIXED< EVERYTHING WILL BREAK< NOT WORK AND YOU WILL BE STUCK WITH IT OR THE PROBLEM FOR THE ENTIRE TIME YOU LIVE HERE! ok, so we ended up going like 3 times, I mean like taking a freaking tram ride to get there and only to hear no, there is nothing wrong with the service, my colleague is on vacation, etc etc. etc. SO, yesterday I went to the Munich BASE store waited 3o minutes while the 2 guys were helping others, you ALWAYS have to wait for everything here. Then came back later in the day and was told by the salesguy who I love btw, because he is AMERICAN! whoohoo, he had moved here when he was young and absolutely hates it here, we had a lot in common. It was great, so finally after months, months actually years of this Cel contract (prison, jail) that I was finally told what the deal is. I had told him that it is impossible to call BASE at .50 cents EUROS A MINUTE = .75 US cents a minute, wait lemme be clear: .75 US CENTS PER MINUTE< PER MINUTE TO CALL THEM. and he said oh no, others have to pay $2.50 Euros per minute to call customer service, this is the most MOST incredulous thing I had heard of, he agreed. Finally, someone who agrees and I am not the crazy one here. I wonder how much a 5 minute conversation would cost at that price, but wait they put you on hold first so it would cost more..no it's their incredibly EVIL way of not having you call customer service. So, he being cool told me that BASE co. sucks and that he wrote down on a note pad that T-mobile was the way to go. LOL. or cry whichever way you look at it.
SO, I had upgraded to an addtl $10 Euros a month for internet that didn't worked, he signed me up for an additional $8 Euros a month for the Blackberry service, which would allow my phone to sometimes work and then be at the mercy that it probably wouldn't work most of the time, because of their patchy service. I asked him under my breath, "how in the world, do I get out of this contract, prison, jail?" and he said you can't unless you get a rental contract if you moved outside of Germany. So I am racking my brain to figure this one out, am still stuck with paying $18 Euros =$27 more a month for shitty internet service. In addition to my monthly $20-30 Euros cel service. FUN FUN FUN and btw, he swore he would try to get the hell out of there, meaning Germany and move back to the states, poor guy, I completely understood.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Monday, October 12 2009
I thought I would just grin and bear it, maybe it's just me, maybe if I try really hard I could try to get used to it and not complain and not make any posts on this blog for awhile. But alas, there's always a few things that get me going again, that make me chuckle. That makes me say, AHHH GERMANY here we go again. So the winter is fast approaching us and today trekking out to meet my husband for a quick lunch requires many winter dressing again and a runny nose when I return. I went to the neighborhood market to pick up pork belly, one of the most common meats here and ridiculously cheap, due to the high amount of fat. And alas, once again in the land of no variety or convenience, I was told it comes in on Wednesday. Ok, so I trek to the next market Edeka, and the pork belly is already cut up into 1-1.5 inch thickness which is useless to me, considering I was thinking of making spicy korean pork bbq, yes but begrudgingly I had to buy it and figure out how I would try to slice the thickness in half with a dull blade! We are busy planning the wedding in Salzburg, which is the only joy to my life right now. Although many of my friends will not be able to make it due to cost and inconvenience. But it will be fun to have it in a castle and the Salzburg trip was fun, nice people, beautiful places etc. but that's Austria. We had a couple over for dinner the other day, very nice she is German and he is Austrian. When my husband asked them if they didn't like anything they said, " Everything but no insects." I kid you not, I have to just laugh at those comments I hear. Even our wedding coordinator constantly referring to Japanese things even when I told him I'm from Korea. Ah, it's 1pm and I can hear the brats upstairs rushing up to start playing the horrible piano lessons again! Everywhere I go, I constantly get stared at, my husband says that it's because I'm pretty, NOT!! They just don't know what to do when they see an Asian, an immigrant, an alien in a foreign land! And these people are soo third world, sheltered and in their own little bubble, don't they watch TV?!~? hmm it amazes me. I guess it could happen in some dumb f(@* place like Alabama, US too...We will be traveling to many places, Graz, Vienna, Berlin, Frankfurt but I was thinking the only thing not fun about traveling here is the below freezing tempuratures outside! Then you don't even want to go outside, let alone tour around sorry! But layering in bundles of clothing with your earlobes frozen and the biting wind blowing on your face, so your nose is running and carrying an umbrella cause it's always raining is NOT FUN! Also, staying in 4 star hotels are ALWAYS a gamble here, you never know what you'll get. Sometimes it's a 2 star disguising itself, never trust the star rating system in European hotels! Last time our hotel was the size of a dorm room, I kid you not and it was a 4 star!! Sometimes the toilet room is so small you have to sit sideways! and bring your own toiletries to these exquisite 4 star hotels, because the only soap/shampoo/conditioner/body gel will be from a tube stuck on the wall. Like I said NO toiletries provided. I am trying to tune out the plundering of keys on that awful piano upstairs. I have to say these Germs are diligent about their activities! So no help with the cel phone yet, all my blackberry apps, google maps and sometimes even yahoo doesn't work. We will probably be charged now with no return but getting on a tram to the city, paying 5 Euros to get there and then if the guy that helped us before is not there, the other ones won't help us cause my name is not on the account and I told you before it costs .50 cents euros a minute to call them, so ONCE AGAIN, we are stuck with this shitty service! Ahhhh, Germany you always give me something to write home about!!! Oh but don't let me forget just last week, my husband thought for sure they were playing an english movie on a Tuesday for "sneak peek" as they call it, I told him I don't think so but he tried calling 10 times and typical nobody answers the phone anywhere here! So, we got dressed went and was told, no english movie, I asked what's the movie that we're not seeing? They said we can't tell you it's sneak peek, ahhhhh! the land of you will watch the movie we show you!! and it will be a surprise, gosh darn it! So, we drove home, no movie that night. Sad but true, but totally getting used to it! Also, many people for some dumbass reason don't have VM on their cel, makes you say WTF!! Third world!!!! Ahh, and don't forget carrying the myriad of different colored glass containers and bottles dropping them off every week, and the empty plastic bottles to the store, everyday and the amount of plastic and recyclables that seem to accumulate at a very fast rate. We take out the trash like every other day. The other day, I looked for the biggest ass trash can with dividers, couldn't find one, just the same size as ours, meaning all those Germs must be taking out their trash 3-4 times a week, going to the market 5 times a week, returning bottles every week, WHAT A COMPLETE WASTE OF ENERGY, EFFORT AND TIME!!!>!>>!! I walked by a store today and it was fill to the brim of bottles and glasses, imagine all the men hired to lug this shit back and forth and the gas and emissions caused by this, truly it's so genius. We should stick all the liberals in Germany and make it a total socialist country and see how much they like it here! "Recycle and Suffer" should be their motto "but get free health care!"

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

!

Wednesday, Sept 30 2009
Ahhhh the feeling of not being able to communicate is pure bliss. I was on the phone, hung up one too many times by many companies (because the telephone systems still seems to be from the 1970's! or maybe they just hung up on me) and then to reach someone and painstakingly try to communicate, they all say NEIN they don't speak english! Getting ANYTHING done here is SOOOO DIFFICULT! First, they hang up on you, then they say they'll call you back and don't. Nothing is done correctly, no customer service or very expensive to call customer service. So my cel still doesn't have internet service, Tmobil dsl still has problems and we must live with it. Oh, on a health note, we've discovered that my dry skin, dry lips and constipation is due to the HARD WATER here, the same hard water that leaves the driest, whitest scum mark on everything (coffee makers, cups, etc) so THAT shit is in my stomach and causing me to have these horrid health problems. Nice.
So this place, as ugly a town can be with seriously the ugliest people I have ever seen in one square mile-I have learned that in Germany you must dress up to get any respect around here. If you dress like a bum, they treat you like an immigrant. LOL So, my new thing is to try to dress decent, that is to toss away my go-to Cali flip flops and where closed toe flats, a nice sweater, a good pair of jeans and accessorize, with let's say a 3 carat ring?! In Cali, I only dressed up when I had to or felt the urge to be fashionable, here I must do it to get any help at the deli counter. In case, they turn me away again and I won't get my pork chop. What used to take me 5 minutes to slap something on, has turned into 20 minutes, dressing and undressing. The key is to look nice and yet still be comfortable, because you will be carrying that 5 lb bag of potatoes and the groceries home with you, meaning you will sweat your ass off. Yesterday, I actually saw a guy carrying a 20 lb bag of potatoes, I'm dead serious! The other thing is to remember to wear closed shoes that are super comfortable, I can't tell you how hard it is to walk on cobblestones in heels!!!! How these Germans ok and Europeans do it, is incredible to me. These sluts actually put on 2-3 inch heels, carry heavy bags and walk super fast, no problem! What!??! I don't know maybe I have to train my delicate feet to do this feat. (love the pun!) I am getting better arm muscles, seriously, with carrying all this weight on my arms. Finding the right shopping bag is also a trick. One that can carry a lot but still fit in your bag. One, should never leave without the essentials as stated before, umbrella, notepad, phone, keys, wallet, food, water, tissue, sunglasses, passport, ids, maps, shopping bag, vitamins, lip balm, sunscreen, mirror, bus pass, change, hat, it's like trekking out to the desert. Make sure you don't leave without these items. I've realized I have spent exorbitant amounts of money on buying extra items I cannot find here. Including toiletries, makeup, kitchen supplies, kitchen spices and ingredients, appliances, english books, travel books in english, convertors, transformers, adaptors, sheets, pillows and pillowcases, comforter and inside flat shees (completely unavailable here!), cel phones with adaptors, cameras, electrical appliances (warning: may blow up), suitcases, bags, clothes, food, snacks, anything Asian including myself, I'm even thinking of bringing a mop next time, toothbrushes, hair products, gels, shampoo/cond etc, soaps, lotions, rice cooker, broil pans, cake pans, pie pans, umbrellas, raincoats, coats, coats, coats, woolen socks, woolen underwear, underwear, bras, clothes, gloves, hats, scarves, socks, tights, boots, shoes, tennis shoes, track shoes, workout gear, yoga mat, yoga dvd, dvd player, ipods, shuffles, blankets, cleaning products, lemon juicer, cookbooks...you get the idea, pretty much everything because either they don't have it, it's a piece of shit quality or you will pay 5 times the price here.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

Tuesday, September 29 2009
Did you know that a yogurt container has 3 different recycling elements?? It has the paper cardboard container, plastic cup and a foil lid. lollolololol!!! haahhhhha But let's get to the good stuff that is my exciting life in Germany! WHOOHOO! Going to 3 different stores in the neighborhood to look for fresh spinach and never finding any!!! They only have frozen spinach, like frozen fish and frozen vegetables. You are limited to whatever they decide they will carry in the store at that time. Don't even get me started on the pork rib meat I was looking for. As you read before any meat cuts of any kind are impossible to find. NOT like in America, you can't even find beef ribs here. So I'm lugging my bags of grocery home and I see in this classy neighborhood a HUGE dump pile of junk, broken wood furniture, beds and crap. And these immigrants are all loitering around looking through it, staring at it, talking about it, what have you. OK, what a piece of dump area this is! Back to groceries, one store has this, the other doesn't, no wonder they have to put 3 shithole markets in the neighborhood and you still can't find what you need, but you will make 3 stops. And the selection at the grocery market of items to cook with. These people must LIVE on cold cuts and cheese, GROSS! and we're NOT talking delicious, perfectly cured Italian salamis, we are talking cheap, artificial, tasteless, disgusting looking hams and cheeses for these fine tuned tastebuds!! Imagine trying to cook anything here. And I am so craving the Asian food again. I was trying to make Japanese cold ramen noodles with mustard sauce and another Japanese pork ramen. HAHAHAHAHAH! that will take a week to buy ingredients, including several trips to bigger markets (sorry no license to drive yet) and a trip to Munich! HAHAHAH! I think I sound like I'm going crazy and this is not even my first week back. We will have to fly (I mean Drive 4 hours to Frankfurt this month to buy some Korean groceries at a TINY Korean market with limited selection and pay 5 times the price! yay! No, I am not bitter! hahahaha OK here's the deal as we can see I have over 245 items on this darn blog of reasons WHY I HATE IT HERE. So I don't have to explain the bitterness, I got off the plane and all the reasons, feelings and memories just came flooding back. I think I've cried twice already. The night before I left and once here. Don't cry for me Argentina, it's just my fate to be here in this Gosh foresakin place. I just don't know why I'm so lucky here though...
Living in a 3rd world country is tough, every little thing is so hard to do, get done, to buy, to do anything will explain later.
So, decided to change it up a bit and write my fascinating memoirs of my daily life here..here we go...


Saturday, Sept 26 2009
OKTOBERFEST!!! ! WHOOO HOOOO!!! I am so excited to be here in this worldwide known celebration of beer (yum my favorite!), drunks (even better) and Germans who are drunk with beer (that's the ultimate!!!!) Not only was it sooooooooo crowded (hmm 3 million people visiting>?!) we got pushed and shoved everywhere. Imagine Disneyland but absolute chaos, no kids just drunken adults and teenagers, raging out of control, pushing, shoving, puking everywhere, passed out on the floor, everybody smoking, paramedics everywhere, getting plastered, singing obnoxious folk songs and MOST of them wearing the most ridiculous country costumes you have ever seen. Imagine a tent built of wood, filled to the brim of these people, standing on tables holding their beer steins, singing and acting like total drunken fools. Imagine me, the first 5 minutes walking to our table and getting FULL ON PUNCHED in the arm by a "German Drunk" I will call them GRUNKS and yelled "Mai Tai!!!" in the ear. Then all 3 of his friends one after another continuing to yell Mai Tai! Mai Tai! Mai Tai to my face. WOW that was sooooo fun!! Getting racial slurs the second day I'm back! WELCOME BACK TO HELLHOLLE I mean Germany! No, I will not be going to Oktoberfest again, beer, smoke, drunks and racist pigs. No thanks, been there done that!
OMG how can I forget and so I was told by my husband that these wonderful leather lederhosen pants these guys where are NEVER washed and they also like to pee on themselves (I kid you not!) so after a few hours you will start to smell piss and puke everywhere in the tents, a woman passed out on the floor, puke on the floor, and the stench of piss while people grab your face and try to kiss you, or insult you, pushing and shoving. Ok, now I'm done. No, really I'm REALLY DONE here! I'm a Celebrity, get me outta here!!!! oh right, not a celebrity hmm..

Friday, September 25, 2009

245. So I was gone for the 1 month of sun in Armpit Germany. But little did I miss the excrutiating heat and humidity when it actually gets hot here. There are NO air conditioners and NO bug screens, so you are hot, stuffy and get bug bites at night. WHY OH WHY in the 21st century, does it feel like this place is SO primitive?!?! Why can't they make bigger refridgerators or washers, why don't they use dryers, or install garbage disposers? Why not the idea of A/C or bug screens? don't they want to make their lives a little more comfortable!?? It is so backwards here, it's hard to believe they make such nice cars!

244. BOOOOHHOOOOOO!!!
I am back after 3 mos back into this shithole country and city, Augsburg. Already the first night I was welcomed by rain and a German lady pushed me at the market! LET THE GAMES BEGIN!!! She didn't even bother to say sorry to me, or even acknowledge me, incredulous! But expected, just didn't think it would happen so soon. Now, I come back and my cel doesn't work, it costs .49 cents euros=80 cents!! a minute to call them, great! and they don't have ANYONE that speaks English! Even better!! Then I call the bank, and the girl was SOOO unbelievably RUDE to me, it pissed me off so much! It never stops here does it?! Everyone in the WHOLE WORLD feels the same way about these people and no wonder why, they really are that way. Tomorrow is Oktoberfest, in which I really don't even feel like going, what better way to see even more drunken Germans acting obnoxious and wearing silly costumes!! Eat fattening foods and drink something OTHER than beer! Oh and it's raining...aghhhhhh

Monday, June 22, 2009

243. hahahahaha
As I am leaving for LA tomorrow for 3 months WHOOOHOOO!!! the weather here in Armpit is
54 degrees and rain, rain, thunder, thunder, thunder and thunder
hHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHA!!!! weather in LA is
89 degrees!!! I also got an Urgent request for my departure from my German class that I must inform them in writing why I will be leaving. HAHAHHAHA they cannot scare me anymore, I am so relieved to be away from constantly feeling like I am in trouble, these nit picky anal detail, nosy, busy body Germs and their freaking rules!!! We came back from France yesterday and it was a pleasant sunny 69 degrees and as soon as we entered Armpit, cold and rainy!! Even our German friends asked if we were depressed from all that grey, cold and rain, I said YES!!! of course, who wouldn't be??!?! it's fucking depressing and morbid and I am so glad to be leaving this AWFUL country! I wish I never had to come back! I would take my husband and move to Sunny LA and live happily ever after! So, ADIOS DEUTSCHLAND!!!! Adios freaking neighbors!!
make all the noise you want!! Adios, bad weather, cranky people, depressing weather, nothing to do no movies, tv, or good food, ADIOS!!!!!

Friday, June 19, 2009

242. Punctual Germs
at 1 pm, every single day, every single week, 2 bratty Germ kids come over our apartment building to storm up the stairs to our Germ neighbors above us. Who, we can hear everything they do. The kids get right on the piano and clamor away for hours, it's awful and just imagine a kid just learning to play the piano! Then they bang down the stairs and make so much noise, these people cannot keep still. Today, the grandpa (who is the leader of the rental community here, oh great!) was banging some nails in the hallway. Every single night (or I should say morning at 1:30 in the morning) he takes a piss over our head, right above our bed and I can hear him like Austin Powers in the movie. They have their German phone on the loudest possible ringer so I can hear it every time it rings. Every night their TV is on so loud, I can watch the program with them, Germ Grandpa must be hard of hearing and have insomnia!! They turn on their vibrating bed, which makes our bedroom vibrate like an earthquake, and finally goes to sleep around 2 in the morning, EVERY SINGLE MORNING. These are the same people who own an old, (and the ugliest looking dog I have ever seen, black and grey with shaggy hair, and the size of Marmaduke) ugly dog that barks and echos in the entire hall. I guess the walls are thin here, because I can hear the elevator running at 1 in the morning, which must be them as well and who knows WHAT THE HELL they do at this time, but I must give it to them that they are GERMAN PUNCTUAL!!! And that this pattern does NOT change or take a break, it's day in and day out. Exact same times, exact same patterns! So, bad piano playing, kids, barking dogs, and banging on stuff, I love the neighbors above me and you know we can't complain here, you know they can complain about the 30 inch bamboo fence in our balcony, but we have no right to complain. Oh and there's other neighbors who have wood fences on their balcony, and wood posts for their plants attached to the balcony, ugly white netting for the pigeons, ugly steel fencing covering the entire balcony, satellite dishes, clothes racks, and the tackiest outdoor decoration, but our bamboo fence is a distraction..go figure. Ok 4 more days to go...hypocrites!!

Thursday, June 18, 2009

241. Another high quality product
So, our cheap ass Germ made bed, made out of fake wood has broken again. This is the second time the wood plank holding it together broke, this time crushing the wood board under it, nice!! It's less than a year old and we bought it along with the cardboard box bed at RUGA in Baden Baden (for over a THOUSAND EUROS!!!) by the Germ named Herr Wolf, remember?!?! It probably has no warranty, we probably can't return it or even complain about it, no we just have to eat it, as my husband says nobody complains or returns in Germany. It is not customary, remember the .50 cents a minute Base cel customer service number/????!?!
240. I HATE GERMANY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just want to make myself clear, and I HATE AUGSBURG and the people here!! Viva la freedom of speech!! (Although I had to make my blog private, in case I get almost arrested again) but really do you blame me after reading everything that happened in the first year of being here?!?!?! This country and the people are insane! Ok, not everything or everyone, but seriously Augsburg SUCKS and the people are so low class, rude, unfriendly A-holes! We are going to France my last weekend here, thank god I LOVE FRANCE, as soon as I cross the border, I feel free and happy!! Better food, nicer people (they are not all rude, I've quite enjoyed them and they seem much friendlier than the Germs!) and a MUCH better country overall! VIVA LA FRANCE!!!!
239. 3rd to 4th week of June weather
no kidding
rain rain rain rain rain rain rain rain partly cloudy
Oh, Armpit aka Augsburg Germany....you are a hellhole!
238. Trading up
I love going from freezing cold and snow in the winter to mosquito bites and constant, severe allergies in the summer! I am now covered in bug bites, because of the lack of bug screens in any windows and all the other comforts here! Oh and the dry lips are back! I know sounds all miserable but this place IS miserable!!
How wonderful!
237. And you will never look at a piece of trash the same!
EVERY SINGLE PIECE OF TRASH, everything you cook with, eat, every wrapper, box that may be made with plastic and paper, must be distinguished, crushed, seperated, cleaned and put in the right container. TRUST ME, this will drive you nuts, and you will learn to separate while cooking!
236. I love washing the dishes twice!
So, living with a dishwasher, no garbage disposer, washing machine and dryer and refrigerator, ALL is miniature European size!! you have to get yourself used to crushing everything, stuffing everything and the Germs are so smart, they have huge, wasteful packaging for everything, since they don't give away the thin vegetable bags, everything comes in bulky, plastic cartons instead, SO SMART!!!! So, you have stiff, plastic boxes for strawberries, blueberries, tomatoes, zucchini, carrots, pretty much all fruits and vegetables AND they make you buy like a pound of carrots, which you know you have NO room for, but that's how it is. IT SUCKS and I LOVE washing my dishes again and again because it doesn't work properly and I can't complain to my real estate management company. Washing 1/4 of the stuff in the wash and it takes 3 times as long!
235. 5 days and counting
So I had to rip down the bamboo fence which actually made my balcony half-bearable but was a excuse me???!!! a possible "eyesore" to the Germs who dry their clothes on clothes racks and have junk all over their balcony. Tonight, just 5 more days left, I went to Tengelmann the neighborhood market asking for some sliced pork and was denied service. She refused to help me and said that they clean the machines and can't cut anything for me. The store closed at 8pm and it was only 7:15 pm. My german-speaking husband was luckily with me and he asked again and then she did it. Again, these instances make me laugh or seriously cry. I will TRY again not to take this as a racial discrimination thing, he said it's because they're lazy. Ok, they're lazy, they're lazy, it's not me, they're lazy...